Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.