My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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