I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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