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Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.