I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities