She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
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She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
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Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.