How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.