Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize