a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"