i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.