Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Send us your Text From Last Night!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night