jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.