Texts From Last Night

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?

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(617): This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off? http://tfl.nu/xunp

Replies (10) Good night (792) Bad night (2799)
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(630): View more from Illinois

8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.

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(630): 8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs. http://tfl.nu/mvq2

Replies (13) Good night (2785) Bad night (658)
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(209): View more from California

just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment

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(209): just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment http://tfl.nu/1qk7

Replies (6) Good night (2737) Bad night (886)
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(440): View more from Ohio

why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.

(1-440): View more from Ohio

you have got to be kidding?

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(440): why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex. (1-440): you have got to be kidding? http://tfl.nu/stk6

Replies (52) Good night (795) Bad night (4583)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.

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(609): so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton. http://tfl.nu/aawl

Replies (67) Good night (2953) Bad night (605)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.

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(402): she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home. http://tfl.nu/joow

Replies (48) Good night (734) Bad night (2148)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!

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(843): Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes! http://tfl.nu/yo6w

Replies (9) Good night (617) Bad night (2895)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...

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(920): the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof... http://tfl.nu/xn7m

Replies (26) Good night (3499) Bad night (572)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.

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(505): No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey. http://tfl.nu/fq2r

Replies (3) Good night (2222) Bad night (641)
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(650): View more from California

dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning

(805): View more from California

1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.

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(650): dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning (805): 1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992. http://tfl.nu/ljqj

Replies (31) Good night (4821) Bad night (906)
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(909): View more from California

I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.

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(909): I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice. http://tfl.nu/z7v3

Replies (14) Good night (4712) Bad night (738)
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(208): View more from Idaho

I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait

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(208): I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait http://tfl.nu/xv9u

Replies (9) Good night (2264) Bad night (920)
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(650): View more from California

so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.

(415): View more from California

What...you let him do that?

(650): View more from California

It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow

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(650): so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow. (415): What...you let him do that? (650): It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow http://tfl.nu/aum0

Replies (72) Good night (5591) Bad night (831)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine

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(617): i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine http://tfl.nu/ryw8

Replies (33) Good night (879) Bad night (3622)
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(251): View more from Alabama

Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance

(303): View more from Colorado

It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.

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(251): Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance (303): It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime. http://tfl.nu/1z36

Replies (16) Good night (2504) Bad night (827)

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