i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'