Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP