my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood