Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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