It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
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I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.