Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.