woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.