I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.