this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Send us your Text From Last Night!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf