You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
