My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
