My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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