Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
