Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
