My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.