Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside