I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
