Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
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i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
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I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
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did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin