In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
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youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.