she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Send us your Text From Last Night!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."