you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
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i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
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My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
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just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.