I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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