and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
