Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.