People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
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I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
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i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.