it's like heaven, but drunker
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I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in