Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
