After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
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Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me