Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.