He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
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Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
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you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
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and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go