Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.