I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.