You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is