Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
