The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
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Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
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True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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