Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
