Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.