Texts From Last Night

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You know how to spell recollection?

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(724): You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there (412): You know how to spell recollection? http://tfl.nu/3vjh

Replies (16) Good night (5611) Bad night (1511)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this

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(908): i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this http://tfl.nu/3v1s

Replies (10) Good night (1255) Bad night (3750)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.

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(218): I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it. http://tfl.nu/fsad

Replies (42) Good night (6953) Bad night (2142)
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(951): View more from California

Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.

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(951): Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor. http://tfl.nu/e2p4

Replies (13) Good night (8840) Bad night (1121)
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(985): View more from Louisiana

He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"

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(985): He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it" http://tfl.nu/q1ud

Replies (49) Good night (2372) Bad night (9523)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.

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(610): I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families (570): That statement alone makes me laugh so hard. http://tfl.nu/jdb3

Replies (7) Good night (6411) Bad night (1260)
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(970): View more from Colorado

Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad

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(970): Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad http://tfl.nu/i5ms

Replies (30) Good night (1014) Bad night (4498)
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(519): View more from Ontario

I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...

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(519): I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling... http://tfl.nu/p0v8

Replies (15) Good night (6000) Bad night (1123)
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(208): View more from Idaho

just looked at his mug shot... not really my type

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(208): just looked at his mug shot... not really my type http://tfl.nu/kmub

Replies (5) Good night (936) Bad night (4243)
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(347): View more from New York

Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.

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(347): Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account. http://tfl.nu/m8a3

Replies (65) Good night (1679) Bad night (19814)
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(912): View more from Georgia

I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong

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(912): I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong http://tfl.nu/xu91

Replies (15) Good night (5554) Bad night (1223)
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(626): View more from California

you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay

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(626): you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay http://tfl.nu/yxo6

Replies (10) Good night (1006) Bad night (4829)
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(316): View more from Kansas

i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes

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(316): i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes http://tfl.nu/q5w9

Replies (25) Good night (5607) Bad night (1761)
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(415): View more from California

the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication

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(415): the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication http://tfl.nu/40rd

Replies (16) Good night (9335) Bad night (1293)
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(303): View more from Colorado

i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed

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(303): i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed http://tfl.nu/xgm0

Replies (43) Good night (2146) Bad night (14309)

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