My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.