I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
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I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
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It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
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I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up