You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!