When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms