I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
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Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
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But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
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BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.