I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...