At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh