I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
