Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.