Texts From Last Night

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(626): View more from California

Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.

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(626): Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome. http://tfl.nu/kgjr

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(410): View more from Maryland

This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca

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(410): This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca http://tfl.nu/b19s

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(716): View more from New York

I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.

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(716): I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad. http://tfl.nu/kobd

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(770): View more from Georgia

FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot

(770): View more from Georgia

Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.

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(770): FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot (770): Your boyfriend has good rhythm though. http://tfl.nu/p3nu

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(251): View more from Alabama

How was last night?

(334): View more from Alabama

She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.

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(251): How was last night? (334): She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast. http://tfl.nu/qxti

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(908): View more from New Jersey

everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries

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(908): everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries http://tfl.nu/l93m

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?

(1-603): View more from New Hampshire

you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?

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(603): could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt? (1-603): you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call? http://tfl.nu/6h21

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(847): View more from Illinois

Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test

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(847): Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test http://tfl.nu/tst5

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(253): View more from Washington

My mind says no, but my body says yes.

(703): View more from Virginia

What does your body say about chlamydia?

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(253): My mind says no, but my body says yes. (703): What does your body say about chlamydia? http://tfl.nu/53wo

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(614): View more from Ohio

Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?

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(614): Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something? http://tfl.nu/rkwq

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(917): View more from New York City

i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you

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(917): i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you http://tfl.nu/qry0

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(605): View more from South Dakota

was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?

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(605): was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her? http://tfl.nu/02kh

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(440): View more from Ohio

it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once

(1-440): View more from Ohio

that is the greatest description ever

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(440): it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once (1-440): that is the greatest description ever http://tfl.nu/1t1l

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(516): View more from New York

you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed

(603): View more from New Hampshire

well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.

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(516): you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed (603): well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways. http://tfl.nu/oeiu

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."

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(918): i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut." http://tfl.nu/bhgh

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