Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
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Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...