They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
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Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
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Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
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Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.