also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Send us your Text From Last Night!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."