i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
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You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.