He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
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Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
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You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
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I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.