You can't call dibs 8 years later.
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he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.