Texts From Last Night

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(856): View more from New Jersey

FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!

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(856): FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?! http://tfl.nu/ganv

Replies (70) Good night (5076) Bad night (9570)
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(208): View more from Idaho

when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"

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(208): when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers" http://tfl.nu/yspu

Replies (6) Good night (4949) Bad night (590)
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(606): View more from Kentucky

I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.

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(606): I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell. http://tfl.nu/fpod

Replies (43) Good night (592) Bad night (4135)
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(805): View more from California

I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"

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(805): I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!" http://tfl.nu/ih8w

Replies (24) Good night (4116) Bad night (671)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great

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(908): Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great http://tfl.nu/tjsf

Replies (38) Good night (11035) Bad night (1388)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear

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(610): connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear http://tfl.nu/s27e

Replies (22) Good night (3070) Bad night (735)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.

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(715): I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win. http://tfl.nu/jyaa

Replies (64) Good night (17240) Bad night (1525)
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(952): View more from Minnesota

he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.

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(952): he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does. http://tfl.nu/uw0a

Replies (28) Good night (5160) Bad night (642)
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(352): View more from Florida

i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.

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(352): i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so. http://tfl.nu/yfpa

Replies (31) Good night (4968) Bad night (499)
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(703): View more from Virginia

You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.

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(703): You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am. http://tfl.nu/rcus

Replies (11) Good night (3803) Bad night (503)
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(425): View more from Washington

got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.

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(425): got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche. http://tfl.nu/j1u9

Replies (11) Good night (3770) Bad night (585)
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(971): View more from Oregon

this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word

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(971): this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word http://tfl.nu/bykc

Replies (57) Good night (1674) Bad night (20843)
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(602): View more from Arizona

You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.

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(602): You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy. http://tfl.nu/r33s

Replies (15) Good night (3077) Bad night (737)
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(216): View more from Ohio

I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out

(440): View more from Ohio

seek help.

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(216): I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out (440): seek help. http://tfl.nu/dyh0

Replies (24) Good night (5075) Bad night (712)
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(301): View more from Maryland

Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.

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(301): Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on. http://tfl.nu/5vnb

Replies (20) Good night (3636) Bad night (446)

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