we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"