just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
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We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.