A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"