Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
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Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.