Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians