No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
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dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire