I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?