You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.