They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
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You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.