my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize