I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...