God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
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Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".