All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"