I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We had sex on a dog bed..
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
